"Schizophrenic"

Haven't been posting much fashion imagery for awhile. So I thought, why not, might be fun to browse again.

Has been a roller-coaster week, to say the least. Some days are good. Some days are bad. Some days are really, really bad. Yesterday was good and bad. Thought there was a flicker of hope there. But by night, it had turned into a sad, sad situation. Feeling like crap, I decided that I needed to go out & forget a lot of things. That was how I decided to meet Enliang. We met at Hoover Park and I was roaming around for a bit before I found him looking like a junkie in the back seat of his car puffing away.

It was a good night filled with Heineken, whiskey shots (omg, I couldn't bring myself to do it, haha), bitter Marlboro cigarettes, philosophies, poetry, and musings about life. Oh and the occasional fatass roach. I love such chill-out sessions, not needing to worry about the next day or the time, just sitting there enjoying the quietness and stillness of the night.

That night got me thinking. The cogs in my mind started working and I wrote this in my sketchbook:

"What if..
the world you knew, was all wrong?
everything you knew to be true, was all wrong?

When the wrong became truth
and the truth became wrong,

what happened...?"

What really constitutes this 'world that I knew'?
In a nutshell,

- love
- aversion to substances
- cautiousness was an asset
- lack of stimulation, relying on self for stimulation

What makes something wrong, and what makes something right?

One thing I have noticed, is that often, creative types have a penchant for stimulation - in whatever form. Which is also understandable, since without stimulation or some form of inspiration, how can you create a work of art? Smoking, weed, alcohol, caffeine fixes etc. For awhile, it never interested me. And maybe because being in a secure, stable, happy relationship, I was very much deterred from such a lifestyle.

When the strings have been loosed, and I find myself being cast into the dark deep waters, I am frightened by the stillness of the night, the blindness of the deep.. above all, the stillness..

What then, would be the normal scenario to embrace? Time. "Time heals what reason cannot" says Enliang. We are all prisoners of Time, unfortunately. Time will never slow, never speed, it just, keeps going.. And so the pain feels like it's constantly, going..

Yesterday, I was exposed to a new world of reality. Reality isn't flowers and blossoms and rainbows and candies. It has that, but I would like to think of it as hard pavement lined with flowers, blossoms, rainbows and candies. We walk the pavement, we fall on the pavement and skin our knees, but we can detour to the sides sometimes, to sniff the roses.

This new vision, it feels real. It feels solid. It feels, liberating..

"Do I dare
disturb the universe?
In a minute, there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."

- The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888-1965)

Enliang read me that poem yesterday off his Droid. It's beautiful. The rhythmn of the words are like gentle currents under moonlight skies.