Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
- The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, by T.S Elliot.
It has been 7 days since me & C have started going out. Saturday is Day 8. He seems ready to say the 3 words already, but I am still holding back. We are only going to talk about progress after his exams end, which I think is around.. 15th December? Still a month and a half for both of us to think about our direction & what we want.
Don't get me wrong, the last 7 days have been magical. He is the dependable kind of guy I would like, & we can talk and talk and talk & it goes on forever. I have mentioned that we have just lain in bed & talked from 3AM 'til 7AM before trudging down to Macs in our PJs, right?
He called me at 8AM this morning to wake me up for class, and I was soooo groggy. He called my morning voice 'cute' and even encouraged me to sleep in a little more! (Since I only got to sleep at 4AM in the morning) I told him to stop being a bad influence, haha!
I gave him a call when I alighted my bus tonight (that was around 11PM), and we just kept talking 'til just! He has the same flow going as with what me and N used to have, & that's amazing! He's amazing, too, really. I do not know how but he just manages to bring out all the positivity in me, and the world seems so much brighter and less restrictive. (I guess his parents played a part too..)
So much for 'low-commitment'. Our 'low-commitment' has resulted in us meeting 3 times in the last 7 days. And I am meeting him tomorrow night too, because it just so happens that we are having dinner at the Choong's again tomorrow! So, I can meet him for a bit & pass him my JC chem notes to better understand his Uni chem notes.
Tomorrow is ministry day too. Gona be doing something different instead of the usual visitation this week, we're going to clean up a house! :) Sounds exciting, hahaha! A workout bright and early in the morningggg.
Side note: I don't want to lead a smooth-sailing Christian life, it feels so unfruitful. Maybe I am not doing enough, maybe I am not effective, that's why I am stuck in this rut? Recently, people have been talking about being broken, to lean on God because of this brokenness. It got me thinking to the start. I was talking about first loves, right? So I revisited my first love phase with Him. I leaned on Him so much because I was so broken. And then I outgrew my brokenness and adapted. And now, I am no longer leaning as much on Him as I used to. There are many, many times I cannot feel Him around me, and I used to whine about it, but now I just tell myself, "By faith, I believe that You are here." How long more, God, how long more will You be quiet & afar off? Is it my fault? What do I have to do for You to be as close to me as You used to be...?
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